Dec 7, 2015

You Don't Fap Because You Are Horny, Find The Root Cause

Fapping because I am bored, lonely, angry, stressed or tiredYes, we guys do get horny for sure. But I am willing to venture that 95% of fapping (masturbation to internet porn) is not due to being horny. I think it's to avoid feeling painful emotions we don't want to feel. Fapping gives us a burst of instant pleasure or else hours lost in distracted fantasy, both of which are pleasurable. I think it's easy to just say it's just due to hornyness. I bet if you really sit for a moment and ask “What am i really feeling right now, beyond the urge to Fap?" I bet you may discover loneliness, a desire for connection, emptiness, anxiety, sadness, frustration or many other emotions.


I honestly think the main reason Fapping is such a letdown is not just the dopamine drop afterwards, but that the real desire behind it is for human connection. To feel close to someone, less alone in the world. And for a few moments, we bond with that image on the screen, we feel part of what we are seeing, but like cold water or a pie in the face, the joke is on us after because in the end, it's just us with our dick in our hand and a mess to clean up. Alone. The craving for connection not fulfilled. In fact, we will more disconnected and for some of us, shameful. We got the EXACT opposite result of what we were searching for.

Point trying to make is just use the "I’m just so horny, I can't help it" is an excuse to Fap. Look a bit deeper, find the real emotion/life situation you want to escape from, and then think of how to solve the problem in the real world instead.
  • Call a friend,
  • Talk with you teacher about the bad grade you got,
  • Strike up a conversation with the person standing in line behind you.
  • Ride a bike or take a stroll
Fix what needs to be fixed. I think this makes more sense. I know it's the harder way, but that's why we are here. The easier way doesn't work and never will.

There are two types of horny. One that comes from your pants and one that’s from your head up top and 9/10 times it’s from up top craving a hit not from downstairs

Just like any drug, once you start buying your own supply and stop sharing--you're an addict. In other words, sex should be human connection first, orgasm second. However, we have sex for the orgasm first, then the human connection.

Addiction of any sort is an escape mechanism from any of the 5 emotions: "BLAST" (Boredom, loneliness, anger, stress, tiredness.) A healthy individual is to face these emotions and learn to deal with them, rather than turning to porn for a fix.

PMO is just one of these accidental discoveries (like the atomic bomb). It's like Gary Wilson says, our monkey brains just haven't evolved enough to comprehend the experience of PMO. It's better to just treat it like it doesn't exist, and that's our goal here, even if it is naive.

An easy trek in the wrong direction is actually far more exhausting and devastating than an uphill climb toward euphoria! -Timber Hawkeye

I am not saying anything wrong with fantasy, just as nothing inherently wrong with Fapping. It’s just for many (like us) we can't seem to just do it for fun. And we do it for reasons that have to do with covering pain (not all, but many i imagine). So i am not downing fantasy, i am asking to question the reason behind chasing it.

As an interesting aside, the degrees of mental illness are defined by how far away from reality as person gets. Porn warps your view of reality. I don't want a warped view, but that is just me. What About You?

Thanks 




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